Compassionate Bitch: It's the GD weekend! Fuck yeah!

FINALLY!

This week has been for the birds. I am so glad it's over! If the weather the rest of this weekend is anything like today, then FUCK YEAH! It's going to rock my socks the fuck off. Seriously, this weather, ya'll. It's amazing. If I had a hammock, my fat ass would be out there swinging and reading and, let's face it, sleeping in my overgrown backyard. Who cares what your lawn looks like when you have a hammock. It's like having a pool. No, not really. It's like having a hammock. This is how I imagine life with a hammock:

Amiright? I can hear the fairy music playing in the background. Luscious, green lawn, beautiful foliage and ambiance and just enough shade to make you doze off. Fuck yeah, hammocks! But, this is probably closer to what it would look like in my out of control backyard:

Actually, I'm not even sure what the fuck that is. It looks like something the Careers would have from the Hunger Games book. Right? Those smug ass punk kids from the Capital, flaunting their prowess by hanging a goddamn hammock up in the forest, sleeping out in the open, having cover from the sun to take a damn nap in the middle of the day. Acting like nothing in Panem will get the best of them! Fuck that. Katniss would knock that shit down with a single arrow somehow and they would accidentally strangle themselves in that piece of shit, fancy hammock. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

So, back to a hammock in my backyard. Well, I tried to find what the reality of it would be, but really, there aren't any derogatory hammock images. You're fucking kidding me. There's also no pictures with fat people in hammocks. I shit you not. So, I'm starting to think these pipe dreams of having a hammock in my backyard for beautiful days like this are doomed. DOOMED! Because, let's be honest here, shall we. THIS is what I will look like if I were to ever meet a hammock face-to-face: