It's the GD weekend! Fuck yeah!

FINALLY!

This week has been for the birds. I am so glad it's over! If the weather the rest of this weekend is anything like today, then FUCK YEAH! It's going to rock my socks the fuck off. Seriously, this weather, ya'll. It's amazing. If I had a hammock, my fat ass would be out there swinging and reading and, let's face it, sleeping in my overgrown backyard. Who cares what your lawn looks like when you have a hammock.  It's like having a pool. No, not really. It's like having a hammock. This is how I imagine life with a hammock:

Amiright? I can hear the fairy music playing in the background. Luscious, green lawn, beautiful foliage and ambiance and just enough shade to make you doze off. Fuck yeah, hammocks! But, this is probably closer to what it would look like in my out of control backyard:

Actually, I'm not even sure what the fuck that is. It looks like something the Careers would have from the Hunger Games book. Right? Those smug ass punk kids from the Capital, flaunting their prowess by hanging a goddamn hammock up in the forest, sleeping out in the open, having cover from the sun to take a damn nap in the middle of the day. Acting like nothing in Panem will get the best of them! Fuck that. Katniss would knock that shit down with a single arrow somehow and they would accidentally strangle themselves in that piece of shit, fancy hammock. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

So, back to a hammock in my backyard. Well, I tried to find what the reality of it would be, but really, there aren't any derogatory hammock images. You're fucking kidding me. There's also no pictures with fat people in hammocks. I shit you not. So, I'm starting to think these pipe dreams of having a hammock in my backyard for beautiful days like this are doomed. DOOMED!  Because, let's be honest here, shall we. THIS is what I will look like if I were to ever meet a hammock face-to-face:

For reals. I'll post pics if it ever happens. Until then, enjoy more hammock themed pics. I fucking love the internet....

Banana Hammock, because your bananas need to relax, too!

Hairless cat hammock, because they really are that special.

Double occupancy hammock, because gang
signs look cool in a goddamn hammock, yo!

Shut the fuck up and smile already. This is FUCKING CUTE!!!

Fucking karma? Or just my luck?

So I put this heartfelt post about not liking being alone out into the world, and what does the world do? Dicks me over. Well, fuck you, universe! The man of my life is lying in the hospital tonight while I sit at home posting on this goddamn blog. He is being treated for pancreatitis and will be in the hospital for 2-3 days for treatment.

After 5 hospital stays last year, including a kidney transplant and rejection treatment for the new kidney a week after the transplant, I should be used to this. But I'm not. I HATE IT! I fucking hate having these scarey ass feelings of losing him during the night while I sleep alone in our bed and he sleeps alone in that cold hospital room. If we didn't have pets or if I didn't feel bad asking friends for help, I would just live at the hospital. But, I had to come home tonight to get him more clothes, get some medicine info, get my meds, take care of our puppies and kitties, all of whom were crying their little furry eyes out when I pulled into the garage tonight.

To top things off. I am terrified......TERRIFIED of driving. I'm ok as the passenger in a car, but not as the driver.  I pretty much almost hyperventilate when I have to drive. But, if my man can survive a kidney transplant and a bazillion other surgeries and hospital stays, I can put my big girl panties on and get my fat ass behind the wheel and drive where ever I need to get to, right? Right! Gah.

So, universe, you can suck it.

Alone Time

So, the man in my life is in graduate school. Essentially this means he has a lot of papers to research and write and so that, in turn, means lots of time for some crazy chick like me to be alone. Fuck that shit. I hate being alone. And I hate seeing people alone. Like when I see people eating lunch alone it makes me want to cry and punch myself for not being social and joining them so they won't be alone.

I get that there are some people who enjoy alone time. And maybe that older guy on campus doesn't mind eating his sad, little PB & J by himself. But, it's not about him. It's about me. Duh. It's how it makes me feel. You know, on the inside. My little patchwork heart gets a sad smiley and then it moves to my head and that's when the bad stuff starts. I pretty much start formulating in my head all of the scenarios (usually bad) that would lead to me being alone (read: without my fella). Or, even worse, all of the bad scenarios that would leave the fella alone. Fuck, that breaks my heart just typing it!

Anyway...if you can't tell, I've got some separation anxiety and abandonment issues crawling around in my head. I know this. I've known this for years. I blame my biological mother, the bitch. Three custody hearings, and she never showed for even one of them. And that was just the beginning of her years of abuse and abandonment for me and my older sister. Thank what ever is out there that my dad is an amazing person. And that the courts sided with him, in this case, during a time when that RARELY ever happened.

Needless to say, I have no idea how to make it better for me. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out how to be ok with my lot in life, how to accept these insecurities, or how to push them away. Nothing works. The bad thoughts still come into my pretty little head. But, the sweet guy in my life posted this on Tumblr for yours truly and I sorta think this chick has some words of wisdom for me. And maybe for you, too.

Go. Watch it. I'll be here when you get back.

Best. Day. Ever.

Cooler temps again. Rain. Lots of rain. Like 4 or 5 hours of steady rain. Some sweet wine and some good conversations. Fuck yeah, best day ever.

Fuck yeah...FALL!!!

I live in Texas. Between June and yesterday, there have now been 70 days total of 3 digit temps this summer. That means 100 degrees or higher. 50+ of those days were consecutive. So, it's been fucking hot as hell this summer.

Until today.

Fuck yeah! Today has been the quintessential fall day, cool weather, a little overcast, light wind, a crispness in the air. It's been AMAZING!! I love this weather, I love this time of year like no other. It means Halloween is right around the corner and who the hell doesn't love Halloween! It also means football, coats, scarves, pants, no shaving, cute shoes, and hot drinks. I have my priorities, people!

Speaking of football, I am female and I love college and pro football. For some reason, most guys take issue with this. I haven't figured out why yet. Maybe it's because I'm stepping on their manhood - and although some guys actually like that sorta kink, most do not! Maybe they think there's no way I could possibly understand the complexities of football with my puny, female brain. Well, fuck that shit. I be all about football, bitches. Plus, guys bending over in really tight pants, all sweaty and sexy? I'm ALL over that. Duh! 

Work sucks.

Leave it to me to state the obvious, right. Well, I'll start off by saying that in today's economy, I am very lucky to have a good paying job with good insurance and blah blah blah. Right, I get that. Some people don't have jobs and when they did they had to walk up hill both ways through snow to get to it! So, I'm blessed.

Doesn't mean I have to love it, amiright?

Because right now, I sorta don't. I've been here for over a decade and haven't always been happy with decisions that were made, but I tolerated them and believed they were made in the best interest of the office, yada yada. Well, that's pretty much gone out the window with the new leadership we have. The morale in the office is for shit and no one seems to really care. So unfortunate. I was hoping to retire here. Cuz I'm old. And grumpy. And so ready to retire.

All that being said, there is one thing I do love about my job. My co-workers who I also fondly call friends, and sometimes Stupid. Oh who I am kidding...that last one's pretty much all of the time. There's a little group of us that hang out and bitch and moan about work :) It's great! And refreshing! And much needed, sadly. Just had the best conversation with one of them.

Co-worker: I read online you can get carpal tunnel in your knees!
Me: Duh! Carpal tunnel doesn't translate to "wrist only owwies". But, really, who types with their knees anymore!
Co-worker: Well, at home...
Me: ...what you do at home is your own business, lady!

Here I go, being blessed again. I need a tissue! And maybe a margarita. That should get me through to retirement.

Yeah, it's another post.

What of it?

I've been looking through different "designs" on here and finally settled on this nice pink one. It's called "watermelon" or some shit. But it's pink striped, not green stripped. And I know watermelons are pink on the inside, but they aren't striped!! So, wtf? Anyway, I choose it especially for you, reader. Which, in reality is just me. Well, and my awfully sweet husband who has to be one of the most supportive people in the whole damn world.  But, I'm banking on having some people eventually read this crap, so I wanted to make it annoying as fuck so I'd stand out more.

Actually, I'm just too lazy to come up with my own design because that takes planning and focus and we've already discussed these areas, so pink background it is!

Maybe someday I'll have something more...appropriate.

Since this blog is going to be about random things, what would I even do as a theme design? I'm pretty sure I'll be bitching about work, talking about hot, random guys I see in the world, discussing books because I'm a smart bitch, getting giddy over movies (Twilight & Hunger Games, you've been warned!), getting jiggy with it, and the such. Also, I take pictures. And not well. Another warning, cuz I be postin' that shit up in here.

So, yeah. What the hell was I talking about?

Fuck yeah

So, another day, another blog. As if the internet isn't drowning under all the useless words we shove down it's throat, I figured, what the hell, have more! I'm pretty much coming in to this without a plan, with very little focus, and with only mild enthusiasm. If some of that changes along the way, it's all win-win, right? Fuck yeah, it is.

Guess I'm going to close this pretty crappy first post up and get it pushed out into the digital world. Because, what we all need now is another smartass bitch spewing shit on a blog.

You're welcome.