So I put this heartfelt post about not liking being alone out into the world, and what does the world do? Dicks me over. Well, fuck you, universe! The man of my life is lying in the hospital tonight while I sit at home posting on this goddamn blog. He is being treated for pancreatitis and will be in the hospital for 2-3 days for treatment.
After 5 hospital stays last year, including a kidney transplant and rejection treatment for the new kidney a week after the transplant, I should be used to this. But I'm not. I HATE IT! I fucking hate having these scarey ass feelings of losing him during the night while I sleep alone in our bed and he sleeps alone in that cold hospital room. If we didn't have pets or if I didn't feel bad asking friends for help, I would just live at the hospital. But, I had to come home tonight to get him more clothes, get some medicine info, get my meds, take care of our puppies and kitties, all of whom were crying their little furry eyes out when I pulled into the garage tonight.
To top things off. I am terrified......TERRIFIED of driving. I'm ok as the passenger in a car, but not as the driver. I pretty much almost hyperventilate when I have to drive. But, if my man can survive a kidney transplant and a bazillion other surgeries and hospital stays, I can put my big girl panties on and get my fat ass behind the wheel and drive where ever I need to get to, right? Right! Gah.
So, universe, you can suck it.
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